I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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