Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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