respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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