I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
