I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
