Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it glows. i had to have it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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