Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
