I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He passed out mid-signature
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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