Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
