im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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