i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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