i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
