there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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