I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
