I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
