just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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