I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
