Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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