I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
