Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
