really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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