He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize