singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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