but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
