His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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