and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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