theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
