I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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