high people should be assigned attendants
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
its liver damage thursday
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
