What did we do last night that was yellow?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
