yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
