Non-Jews are for practice
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
