I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
