I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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