I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
