Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
