trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
