The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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