another moral hangover. fuck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
