at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
