i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
is that a dick in a sweater?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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