I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
