I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
