You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize