The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
