know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
