That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
