OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
