Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
