Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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