I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
