so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
