i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
