No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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