best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Come on in and take your pants off
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