if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Less talking, more tequila
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
