Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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