Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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