we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize