I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
