i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize