Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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