Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
