Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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