we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
