so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
