does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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