I wish I could teleport
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize