Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
