my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
