Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
