Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
