Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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