mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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