So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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