You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
