i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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