Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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