I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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